The last few weeks have been intense for us. While trying to wrap up our home study, I have started working and John has taken a second job. On top of that, we have tried raising some of the funds and I have been really busy with my Etsy shop (which has been a huge blessing). We wouldn't have it any other way. Life has never made so much sense and been so peaceful to us which is odd because it has also never been so chaotic.
We have felt about every emotion in the book lately. There have been days where I felt coming up with the money was impossible and in tears. Then there was the night a youth from church joyfully gave us a jar full of change - which ended up being $123. He will probably never know the impact he had on our family. I don't think either of us had ever understood the word give more than in that moment. God was clearly telling me "chill...I got this." We have felt hurt, joy, and comfort. We cannot even begin to express how grateful we are for the love and support we have been shown. God never ceases to amaze me how He uses people to remind us who is in control.
In our first post, we talked a lot about our loss but I wanted to make sure that Jast baby #4 knows adoption is not our plan B. Yes, we have had a long journey to get here. We had a lot of heartbreak along the way as well. However, we are adopting because God has called us to do so! We have 3 biological children and if we wanted to continue with fertility treatments, we are fairly certain we could get pregnant again. I have heard, "well, hopefully you will still be able to have your own." I had to think about that and here is my answer: YES, I will! Absolutely. I will have my own children but I will not carry them for 9 months before they are born. My adopted children will be my own and that is a beautiful thing! I am thankful people are asking about our adoption and encouraging us in so many ways. Please continue to do so! Pretty much nothing you say or ask can offend us because it has also probably run through our heads at one point! This is really new for us and we are learning as we go along.
Adoption has already changed us and we have barely scraped the surface. Things we never even considered in our very comfortable life now consume the way we think. There is a good chance our baby will be a minority. I got angry the other day when I noticed all the emojis on my phone are white. Yes, emojis - those dumb faces on an iPhone. Beyond them all being white, I was angry that I have never noticed they were all white. Ever since the emoji incident, I have been on a rampage to rid myself of my white privilege way of thinking. Don't even get me started on band-aids or baby dolls!
Can we all please through understanding out the window? This is something I know I have struggled with and continue to do so. I always want to know "why?" I have heard several times now, or maybe just convinced myself, that because people don't understand our situation, they have put some distant between us (or maybe they are worried I'll throw a MudLove bracelet at them...which is very possible at this point). I've tried to realize in my own life that it should not matter how much or how little I understand a person's situation. God clearly does not want me to understand everything. So here is to moving on and making ourselves uncomfortable to be there for someone or at least trying to do so! It's okay that you may not know what to say about us losing our triplets, but it's okay to say something. It's okay that you may not know anything about adoption or get why we are even doing it, but it's okay to say something. When people in our life's situation makes us uncomfortable and we don't understand it, that is probably a sign we should reach out to them! Life is crazy but somehow, it seems a little less crazy when you have genuine support around you.
Lastly, let me plea to you to learn about adoption! Learn about why it is important. Learn about what the Bible says about it. Learn about how you can be involved in it even if God has told you not to adopt. Learn about families going through adoption. Here is an article I read that I felt really summed up Christian's role in adoption. Please take the time to read it, you won't be disappointed!
“Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” (James 1:27)
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